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10 November 苹果树与Research我们小镇的秋天很是奇怪，温度有时降到零下有时升到要穿短袖。但景色却是出奇的美，树的叶子换了各色的衣服然后飞舞一地。上上个周末是个大好的晴天，午后，我和Chris在树影斑驳的小路上散步细数着路旁各式各样的房子，有的整个漆成大胆的红色，有的装着阿拉伯风格的窗户，有的门口摆着大大小小的南瓜迎接万圣节，还有一人办成死尸跳过来把我吓得乱叫。不知什么时候Chris开始憧憬自己的房子，他说：“我想在我的后院种各种水果...嗯，我想要cherry...” 我呢，突然在心里担心起我的research, 上个周末就把model发给老师了，可是她还没有要见我的意思，是不是又不满意呢。Chris接着说他的：“我想要有raspberry, 得把它们跟cherry分在不同的格子里种，但可以让它们结果子时落在一起...” 现在做的这个idea有一点方向感了，可是数据将会是很大的问题，这一篇就算做出来了恐怕也不能做为job market paper。Chris：“我还想种一棵苹果树，虽然我不是很喜欢吃苹果，但你可以用新鲜的苹果给我们做苹果派吃。” 想做一篇高质量的paper真的不容易啊，没有高质量的paper怎么毕业怎么找工作嘛。Chris: “嗯，就这样，新鲜的苹果一定要及时的摘下来，你吃苹果，我吃苹果派，我最爱苹果派了！” 他一脸幸福的说着这话，我心里越来越着急，终于忍不住：“苹果树，苹果树，你有没有想过用什么去换苹果树？没有好的research，没有一个工作，哪里会有苹果树？” 他被我一下子说傻了眼，不知道怎么回答。看他一脸茫然，我心里过意不去：“不好意思，我刚才在想研究的事想得很烦恼。” 他很委屈的说：“你想研究也没必要毁了我苹果树的梦想啊...” 我被他逗乐了，好一个苹果树的梦想，那一刻我被他的天真感动了，心想是时候也在自己心里种一棵“苹果树”了。 07 November 惊魂一幕 自从八月份买了车，我的小日子瞬间提升了一个档次。还没拿到驾照时就撞着胆子载着吴顺一起去逛MALL，在回来的路上去吃中国菜。吃着久违的香干肉丝，心里美美的想，这下子生活真是无极限了。可是有车了太容易满足自己的欲望也不是一件好事，比如说游完泳立马到Wal-Mart去吃个chesse cake，当天活动对体重的影响就彻底的cancel out了. 还比如说逛街的劲一上来，拉着室友们三人开两个小时的车到KC，吃个印度大餐把胃吃翻再直奔outlet把钱包掏烂。这些都不是今天的重点了，今天主要讲我开车。 Chris向来对我开车没什么信心，刚开上路，我开得慢他说我像Grandma, 后来开快了他说我reckless, 还有几次过yield sign时没停把他吓得一身汗以为那天自己就没戏了。我对他的教诲听一半是一半，倒是乱打乱撞还没出过什么事。可前天傍晚的一幕可真把我吓坏了，才知道开车的严重性。 6pm, 我在系里做完这个星期的最后一门作业，心里惦记着Hollister家的一件丝绸小吊带，想着赶紧回去把它拿下也犒劳一下这个星期的辛苦工作。跳进车门，想着这美好生活。这一想不打紧，还没开火就把手档打到后退了。车动了起来！我一惊，我还没开动车呢！立马踩刹车，踩不动！扭动钥匙想启动，扭不动！把手档打到停车，车还在往后跑！把整把钥匙都抽出来，还在跑！我就想，完了完了，车失控了，今天吊带买不了了。但我不能这么听天由命车毁人亡。脑子里就想到Tom Cruise在Mission Impossible里跳车的场景，那我也跳了算了？想做就做，我解掉安全带，一开车门，刚准备纵身跳出去，大事不好，后面有一部停好的车紧挨着我的车左面靠近，如果我真跳，就成了车夹人三明治。再往前一看，我的车门大开！只听一长声“吱——”，我的车门挂住那部车被彻底挂骨折了。不过，车停下来了！我看着我心爱的车的车门，再看看我的手臂，还好不是我的手臂挂成那样，不然买了吊带也穿不了了。我吓着脸都白了，马上去叫人，打电话，叫警察.... 事后我们分析的结果是，我停车的地方有点坡，我没拉手刹，手档打到后退就相当于把车的锁打开了，自然就会后滑。这时应该及时把手刹拉上就好了。看来不是我的爱车失控，是我自己失控了。这次事件我总结的教训如下： 1. 不要在车行进时跳车！留在车里把安全带挤好，在车内比当Tom Cruise安全很多。 2. 出现状况不要panic，冷静的分析当时的情况做理性分析。 3. 开车要谨慎，人在一堆钢铁面前非常的脆弱。 4. 看到喜欢的吊带还是要早下手。 20 December My First Semester at KSUHaving been here (U.S) for four months, I am done with the first semester. How time flies, the memory of the starry night when I first arrived at our little apple is still vivid in mind. After saying goodbye to my dear friends, seeing tears crowding down mom's face at the airport, and telling myself to be strong during the long trip, I finally lay on a bed, staring at the sparkling stars through the window, and enjoying my first peaceful night in Manhattan. At that moment, I felt unexpectedly free and relaxed. I made it. After all the effort and pressure, I am here, facing a whole new life.
Courses were not that hard to me. Previous training in math enabled me to finish each assignment in a couple of hours and to do a relatively good job in each test, which surprised a few of my classmates. Their praise were too much that I almost forgot who I am. In heart, I clearly know that I am far from prepared to be a real scholar who can deeply analyze what intersts oneself. I dare not linger, so I forced myself to learn something in my sufficient spare time. I went to a professor's office to ask for some papers to read, and started learning Rudin's "Mathematical Analysis" by myself. I thought by doing these, I fully utilized my time. Till a sunny afternoon, I found that it was merely an ineffective way to provide a positive self-image that I was learning something. That afternoon, one of my American friends asked me:"Do you read, Laura?" I said:"Not really." He said:"Why? You do not like reading or you do not have time?" Suddenly, I did not know what to say. Because I do love reading and I have a lot of time. I do not know since when I lost my passion in reading, which used to be of the first place on my hobby list. Reading, to me, is like going on a journey with the writer and is a sign that you care what others think. It is high time to picked up my habbit of reading! The first book I read is "Freakconomics", which is so popular that a nutrition-majored Madam who works at help-desk of our library has one copy at home. I found Steven's research really fascinating, and the topics he discussed are quite interesting. His creative thinking, perfectly combined with his talents in dealing with numbers, are gifts from God. In addtition, I do like the way Stephen writes, what a professional journalist who has the power to produce sharply clear pictures in readers' minds. The book extended my concept of what economics is and made me believe that my major is the most interesting one in the world. The second book I read is "Discover Your Inner Economist", and actually I just finished it this afternoon. Rather than talking about economics in life, the book is, as I see it, more like a collection of knowlege in different fields, say art, food, charity, and etc. I specially like Tyler's discussion on signaling and self-deception, and they are rooted from his wisdom and observation of life. One line in the last chapter caught my attention and I could not agree more, "Just as culture often relies on markets, so do markets require cultural foundations". After I started reading, I could not help leaving those academic papers with dust. They are too dull. I thought I could force myself to do something I am not interested in. I was wrong.
Friends, to whom you can talk with your heart, are important to me, and I am lucky that I found real friends on each stage of my life. In the past a few months, there are two people I am most thankful for. One is Gunjan, a pretty and smart Indian girl. I like her warm smile and caring heart. We share food, ideas, and the most delicate part of our hearts. She brought food when I was starving, she took care of me when I was sick, she helped me get through the days when my heart was broken, and she let me feel I was not alone here. Gunjan, your kindness, intelligence and diligence will bring you happiness, and no matter what happens, I will always be there for you. The other is Chris, a handsome and intelligent American boy. He is the one who asked me "Do you read?". He is good at tennis, frisbee, writing, making pasta and thinking like an economist. He does much sports and eats many brownies, but still keeping a slander figure. He laughed when I said something serious, but being serious when I said I worry that I am not pretty enough. Chris, you are such an erudite and funny person that I do enjoy talking and sharing ideas with you. I forgot to tell you that it is you who light my lost passion for reading, writing, and thinking.
Some people are afraid of cultural shock, I am not one of them. I am constantly curious about cultural difference and anxious to absorb anything new and right. I was confused by Western people's courtesy when I started learning English. I wondered why people in the text say "Thanks" to those who return the earser to them. But now, I say "Excuse me" when I give a sneeze, "Thanks" when I hand in the homework, and "Have a nice day" when I get off the shuttle bus. I never know what is like inside a bar in China. But now, I go to bar with friends in late night, chatting, drinking, and getting crazy in the end. Four months ago, all I knew about party was from movies. But now, I host a party myself.
Looking back helps me know where I am, and where I am going. You wonder the answer? I am in a library and I am going to a dining hall to have lunch.
10 December The "Killing Night"Last Friday evening, my best friend Gunjan(a super pretty Indian girl) and I hosted a party for people to play Mafia. I call it "Killing Night", and it was a lot of fun. Just posting two emails here, you will see what happened.
Invitation Letter
Hi, friends,
The party thing is settled. We are going to have it this Friday, cause some of you may go home on next Friday. It is at 7pm tommorrow, at D31, Jardine, which is Gunjan's apartment, just next door to mine. Each one brings a dish, made by yourself. I am gonna make fried rice and spicy noodle, both of them are traditional Chinese food. Orange juice, hot chocolate, and milk will be provided, if you want to drink beer, you can bring some. Dessert will also be provided, icecreams with fresh strawberry in it, you will like it. Besides having delicious food, we will play "Mafia", the most popular game in the world.(I am kidding) We will have a chance to know one another more, and have a lot of fun. And please prepare a song, or a joke, or anything, cause for those who lose the game, we have penalties. Also we may play other games you come up with, ideas are welcome. I hope to see you all tommorrow evening, cause that might be the last time we get together before the winter break. If you can not make it, please inform me today. Enjoy the snowing day. Though I do not. Best Laura
Party review
Dear friends:
Yesterday we had a wonderful time, food was great. Ballons are still on the ceiling(thanks to Chris, and static charge). Chris: You are an extraordinary narrator. You came up with interesting ways how a person can be killed (Ha! Ha!). You finally showed your advantage of being tall by reaching the highest place in the kitchen. A special thanks from laura for your egg nog. Ling: A great job in helping cooking shrimp, it requires lot of effort to continuously stir it (fantastic job, even though laura passed it to you). Next time we won't kill you innocently. Xiabao: Amazing speaker who always tries to convince people that laura is the mafia. Has got good hair for producing charge (note that). Your smile doesn't fade away no matter how much laura and Ling torture you. (hats off to you). Thanks for drooping the trash. Phoung: Awesome culinary skills. Very interesting way to prepare spring rolls. Laura likes your jacket. Gunjan appreciates your comments about how good her home looks. Abhinav: Though you didn't cook and you were late (we mean too late!!), you did a fantastic job in mafia. We were amazed by your intelligence and observation. You will do good in math-econ also. Uma: Thanks for the samosas.We had it as our lunch and enjoyed it. Next time we think we will dance at laura's place or in a bar. (just kidding). But we apologize for being so noisy. Jenny: We are too sorry that you got killed so soon. Next time we as town peope will protect you (only if you are not mafia). You did an excellent job in spoons, quick thinking and alertful. Dan: Last but not the least. You came up with a sparkly sweater, looking all christmasyyyy. Thanks so much for teaching everyone new games. We had lot of fun playing them, though people were going crazy in the end. Laura slept holding those pens in her hand( with all the caps and the bottom). Laura and gunjan: You two pretty and smart girls hosted a very good arty. Thanks for providing a paradise for all the angels and mafias(what an irony, we were the only two mafias). In all, 120/100 points to everyone for coming, preparing food, having fun, being crazy and out of control in the end. Pictures have been uploaded, please see the following link: http://picasaweb.google.com/gunjan.vet/KillingNightPictures Good luck on your finals, study hard, and we will work together. Best wishes Laura and Gunjan 14 September 在这儿的一个月里来到美国一个月了，虽然并不是很忙，却迟迟没有到space来写点东西，今天跟fairy 通了电话才决定要上来看看，看看朋友们，也记录一些这一个月来我的生活与经历。 最初的frustration 刚到的第一个星期真是感到很沮丧的，首先是发现自己的听力还很不够，特别是地道的老美很快的聊天时，很难figure out他们到底在讲什么。这样让我感觉到自己的外来身份，这种感觉不好。更重要的是这儿真的是自己一个人了，远离了家人，朋友，一切可依赖的东西都被切断了，而且断的是那么绝对，什么都由自己安排，独自一人，从做饭到上学，从办手续到跑教室，那一阵是忙碌的，但内心里是空的，没有归属感，没有安全感。但生活还得继续，要努力的让自己好起来，让一天比一天好。 开学后的regularity 真正开学后，生活开始变得有规律起来，每个星期周一，三，五有三个小时的课，其余时间一切自由。这学期的课并不难，我总是可以在几个小时内把一个星期的作业做完。每天下午回家后做菜（煮一锅米我可以吃四五天），基本上是一个青菜，加一个有点肉的青菜。当天下午吃新鲜的，留一半放到饭盒里第二天带到学校吃，国书馆，系里，餐厅都有微波炉，热一热就行。说到做饭，真是不出来不知道，一出来才发现我也有做饭的天赋，每天中午那叫一个香喷喷啊，吃完后总要惊叹一下自己这被挖掘出来的潜能。上个周末还卤了牛肉呢，卤了后就放到冰箱里结冰，到要吃的时候拿出来切切放到青椒里或土豆里一抄，很是不错哦。多谢老妈给我带的树皮啊，辣椒啊等卤料，它们被认为是那两个大箱子里最具价值的东西了！当生活可以走上正轨后，我终于开始享受到在这生活的乐趣了，首先，这儿的好吃的又多又便宜，这对于我这只好吃的老鼠来说就像来到了天堂。每周去沃尔玛购物的那两个小时是我最兴奋的时候，每次跟朋友打电话都不忘提这儿的哈根达斯一大盒只要2块9毛8，我一个星期买一种口味回来尝，还有巧克力，这个星期第一次买，买了一大盒费尔罗，也就五块钱。还有水果，第一次看到一大盒的草莓和樱桃那么便宜，都只要两三块钱，一样拿了一盒，结果硬是吃了大几天才吃完，所以每周我就带很多水果回来吃，这个星期还抱了一个哈密瓜回来呢，一块钱一个。光是买菜的话，一个星期的菜钱是不超过十块的，但加牛奶啊，面包啊，杂七杂八的加在一起大概是30块吧。然后就是我最爱的图书馆，那儿是我的第二个家，每一层楼的地上都是地毯，成排成排的书架全都对学生开放，想看什么自己去取看完了就放在桌上自然会有人去收。厕所与饮水机就在几步开外，我喜欢去四楼那个角落的位置，一落座就把鞋子脱掉，踩在软软的地毯上，在那儿安静的看书，做题，累了就在旁边的电脑上下网，也可以把自己的笔记本带来，这儿四处都是插座与免费的无线网。饿了就拿出小袋的奥里奥吃（12袋才要三块五）或啃掉一个苹果。这种安静的舒适的学习环境让我觉得之前的一切付出都是值得的。这学期我是三个老师的助教，其中一个老师是安排我给她改作业，觉得那些美国学生真是很可爱的，课堂测验就五道选择题，竟然有不少学生就拿零分。那一次有一个男生拿了满分我在他的卷子上写：Good job! 记得这是我高中时在英语课堂上听到的最受鼓励的一句话，希望他也能有我那时的小小满足吧。周日时我就在家做清洁，把积累了一周的脏衣服拿到洗衣房去洗，烘干，不到两个小时它们就香香的挂在我的衣柜里了，那感觉真是好啊。 在纽约的excitement 这边的9月3号是labor day, 全国放假一天，正好也是星期一，是我课最多的一天，我利用那个机会到了纽约，用大林的话说就是资本主义国家的心脏，走在纽约的街头，我莫名的觉得很自豪，因为我终于凭着自己的力量，自己的努力来到这个中学起就想来见识一下的地方，可以说这里比世界上哪一个地方都有更大的包容性，无论是文化，人种，阶级，走在纽约的街头，处处可以见到来自世界各地的人，各国食物的餐厅，听到不同的语言，仰望一片一片新颖的壮观的建筑。在这里，我们无论到哪都坐地铁，这应该是这里最便宜的交通工具了吧，但我是那么的不喜欢坐纽约的地铁，以至于这种不喜欢蔓延到最初的对这座城市的不喜欢与畏惧。因为那里面黑洞洞的，有很多样子怪异的人，有胖大的扎大辫子的黑人，有吸毒的女学生，有神志不清的老头。在那里都让我怀疑自己是不是来到另一个地下的国度，让我非常没有安全感。但这些不好的感觉都被在纽约shopping的那股兴奋劲给冲淡了，我们去Manhattan的21Century, 不得不感叹在美国买衣服太便宜了，一件T恤大概十块钱，薄外套什么也就十几块钱，纯羊毛的外套三十块，我和大林一人买了两双鞋，New Balance, Adidas的，一共是171块钱。我买了两条运动裤用来跳操穿的，一共20块。第二天我们去第五大街逛，大林被那儿的好东西吓坏了，要我一定要买一些，有一家店那天全场20%off, 只是我没有看中的，大林就满脸沮丧的被我托了出来。最后只在Esprit买了一条黑色连衣裙，$29.9,原价$70. 至今它还被我用小盒子放在身旁的衣柜里呢。在纽约，我陪大林买了家具，收拾好了行李，用他的话说，生活终于完整了。每天我们逛回来就一起做饭，我做一个青菜，他做一个荤菜，然后一起分享劳动果实，一起坐在地毯上吃着饭，边欣赏当天拍的照片，那是我这一个月来最幸福的时候了。我们说好十一月的Thanksgiving，他来Kansas看我，十二月的圣诞一起去Florida的Disney World. 之前我们好好努力过好自己的生活。 现在的struggle 回来了以后我继续着我正常的学习生活，我开始计划着怎么能在空闲的时间里多学点东西，多提高自己为一年后的申请做准备，于是我找数学系的教授谈让他推荐我书好自学实分析，这对于一个搞经济的人来说是必修课，也是锻炼逻辑思维能力与推理能力最好的一门课。教授人很好，说我自学过程中有什么问题尽管去问他，嗯，我一定会加油。找我们系搞微观的教授去要论文读，我想不论怎么样，积极主动的去了解他们在正做什么不是坏事。好像我本空闲的生活又被我填得要满了，今天早上出门时坐在校车上有些迷茫，我把自己搞这么累是为了什么，值得吗，我不是一直说我在乎的是生活的本身吗。于是，做完了所有的作业我就回来了，我要回家来把这个问题好好想一想。刚跟fairy通了电话发现她也很stressful，她说可能我们只有经历了这些torture之后才能开始真正的享受生活。嗯，是啊，我想到一个有更多机会的，给学生更高要求的学校，更想和大林一起，一起奋斗，一起享受。这就是我的目标，不论这中间会有多少辛苦，我都会勇敢的面对与承担。
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